Have you ever found yourself having the same argument with your partner all over again?

For example, you start bickering about who was supposed to pick up the kids from soccer, and end up in an all out battle over who works harder to support the family? Whatever the subject may be, consider how the argument usually ends:

• your partner walks out,
• you start yelling,
• or perhaps you both give up the fight with no resolution

Why is this???

All relationships operate in a cycle or a dynamic!!! The dynamic that you creates the quality of your relationship. Here is how to transform the dynamic that creates the quality of your relationship.

Are you willing to get that, change begins with you? Read below and consider the possibility that by transforming yourself, you can transform the quait of your relationship.

Day-in and day-out, we default to the data our brain has been collecting since birth. In the context of TMD, this data is your “Programming.” Your Programming or your Programmed Mind, is the source of your thinking, feeling, speaking and perceiving. It creates who you think you are and what you can create. Your Programming is creating the quality of your relationships. Let’s test it:

Have you ever said or felt:

• “If only she/he would change, then…”
• “I put up with enough, I don’t deserve this.”
• “I just haven’t found the right person.”
• “I just cant communicate with her/him”
• “You never…..
• “You always…..

There’s a reason why our actions repeat themselves—why you keep finding dates with commitment issues, why you and your partner have stopped having sex, why you stay with an abuser – is because your programming exists in a context that reproduces itself. All programming operates in a context of Dominant and Submissive Context and cannot exist without the other. Dominant exists through Submissive and vice verse. One cannot exist without the other. Therefore you programmed yourself to be Submissive then you will always find Dominant personalities to interact with and vice versa.

An example of this would be;

• Submissive: “I remembered to pick up your dry cleaning like you asked and you cannot come home when you promised.”
• Dominates Responses: “Oh ya, your life is so hard, I take care of everything. Please Hun not tonight. I needed to relax.”

This is a classic example of submissive is good while the dominate is wrong an bad

Here’s the issue, no matter what side of the argument you are on, the good and right or bad and wrong side, the argument (dysfunctional dynamic) persists for as long as you need to be in that position. As long as you need to be the “winner” or dominate your partner’s point of view; or as long as you are willing to be submissive or a victim of your partners’ perception, the programmed mind will maintain its programmed identity “Role” in the matter of your relationship.

• An example of a winner is you have to have the last word in an argument and you are self-righteous about it. You care more about being right than you do about being connected with your partner.
• An example of a loser is you are left hurt or beat up and you are right about the way he or she communicates with you is wrong. In that you have been victimized by other person in the relationship.

The relationship between you and your partner or “dynamic” will remain the same. This understanding creates the space for the Roles you and your partner play in the relationship to exist: one is dominant and the other is submissive. But, when operating from the Dominant Submissive context that which is a win-lose dynamic, it is impossible for you and your partner to win together.

• As long you play your Programmed position “Role” and engage in your partner’s Role, the cycle of dysfunction will perpetuate.

Therefore, transforming a dysfunctional relationship goes deeper than deactivating your triggers. And, it has nothing to do with preventing arguments and suppressing “negative” emotions. To transform your relationship, you must transform who you know yourself to be, thru which you will become completely accountable for the Role you and your partner play in the relationship. You must reclaim your “Self” from your programmed mind.

• Through your commitment to TMD you will learn to replace your programmatic responses that turn your spouse into your parent/your past for communication that makes a difference. You will become free to be who you choose to be versus dominated by your programmatic responses.

Coaching Support: let me know if it helps you (neeloberoi99@gmail.com)

Here is a way for you to get started with transforming your relationships:

First, Who is Dominant/Submissive?

Begin by discovering who is the Dominate and who is the Submissive in the relationship. The roles you play will switch and one of you will play one more often than the other

Second Build Your Awareness

Building awareness is the key. Look for the ways that you “run” your routine in the relationship. Don’t try and change it simple look for it to see what you are doing. If you can take responsibility for what you are doing and in the beginning of your training this is not easy to do. You are to attached to your routine for you to be fully accountable.

Third See the Impact of your Role

Out of gaining self-awareness of your Routine now you are up to seeing how your routine impacts your partner. See if you are creating the type of impact that you intend to make. For example, you say, “I love you.” And your souses pucks in their mouth. Well you can see that you are not creating the type of impact that you intended to. You need to learn about your Role and how it impact.

Additional Help:

If you would like more help with what you are struggling with, here are a few options for you to consider.

– Reach out to a TMD Graduate the more they have participated the better they will be able to support you. If you can get a hold of a TMD Team Leader that is the best.

– Attend a TMD Guest Event in your area.

– Buy the IRD Workbook: $12 (link goes here)

I hope I have helped you to achieve your goals. Asking for help is not easy. Do what you can and have fun while your doing it!